I haven't posted for a while. It's been quite busy as I try and make a go of it and let me tell you that this year has taken everything I have to keep going and not lose sight of what I really want. Why? Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid I can't do this. The CSA that I did a few years back was the first time I ever did anything like that and it was a failure by the standards of the owner of the land I was renting. I picked myself up and told myself that it wasn't a failure because I had tried. I had enjoyed a vast amount of the work that I had done. I wanted to keep going. We bought a property that I could experiment on. I almost signed up for a market this year but changed my mind and backed out. I was afraid I would fail to come up with the goods. I was afraid people wouldn't buy my stuff and it, and all my time, would be a waste. I consoled myself in the spring when it was really late and I couldn't plant anything until May, a full month behind schedule. Thank goodness I didn't sign up for that market. I planted my ass off all spring and, although loads of things have grown, I feel overwhelmed by it all. I'm working more hours at my office job and when I come home I spend most of my free time outside in the garden and it just doesn't feel like enough. It feels like half my weekend is just mowing the damn lawn! I have some beautiful savoy cabbages but I don't know who wants to buy them. I have fallen in love with zinnias and they look delightful but I don't know how to sell them. I will keep going but right now failure doesn't feel like an experiment, it feels like failure. What am I doing? How do I get there from here? And then I also love every minute I spend outside. I go to bed and I feel proud of what I have done. I take pictures of the beautiful flowers I've grown from seed. I give a bunch of those beauties to my ex-neighbour, my coworker, my best friend and love how happy it makes them. Many of my coworkers have bought produce from me. Sure it's not enough to make a living but it's a start. Patience. Use Slow and Small SolutionsIt's moving towards autumn now and I'm anticipating putting the gardens to bed. I'm already evaluating my successes and thinking of where I want to focus my energies as I go forward. I love flowers and herbs. Vegetables are more difficult but seem to do really well in mixed plantings. I love flowers. Hmmm I'm seeing a pattern but that's for another post. This is the hardest permaculture principle for me to live by. I see it's value. I remind myself about it all the time. And yet I regularly think things should move faster and be bigger than they are. This makes me doubt my accomplishments. It makes me feel like a failure. I preached this in yoga classes and often chuckled at the adage that you teach what you need to learn.
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JackieI'm a garden farmer, herbal enthusiast, motherwifesisterfriend and Archives
April 2022
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